Understanding Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is any sexual activity (verbal, visual, emotional, physical) engaged in without consent, which uses one person in order to meet another person's sexual or emotional needs. This activity may be accomplished through force, intimidation, coercion, deception, or influence of authority.
A person who has suffered abuse has experienced a profound breach of trust. Intimate parts of his or her life have been taken (not surrendered) by another through control, manipulation, or power—sometimes by a loved one, a confidant, or a person of authority. This violation can create emotional turmoil, distort a person's understanding of love and relationships, and generate significant questions about God.
If you have suffered sexual abuse, you may wonder if you are lovable at all. Thankfully, God loves people who have suffered due to the sins of others. Christ understands suffering and abuse. God offers true love (sacrificial, unconditional love) and hope for healing to those wounded deeply by sin.
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
Common Characteristics of Abuse Survivors
The impact of sexual abuse shows up in many ways. Here are common experiences of survivors:
Abuse Takes Many Forms
Abuse can be ongoing or a single event, and can happen to anyone. It can come at the hands of a stranger, authority figure, friend, or a trusted family member. The form and duration of abuse varies, but the violation is always serious.
Fragmented or Vague Memories
Sometimes memories of abuse are detailed and intact, but other times they can be vague and distant. It is common for victims to minimize or dismiss memories of abuse. Survivors can even convince themselves that the abuse didn't really affect them as a protective mechanism.
Isolation and Secrecy
Abuse can lead to isolation and secrecy. Sharing about abuse can be frightening and feel impossible. Sometimes victims lie to themselves to protect the secret—telling themselves "It was a long time ago and it wasn't that bad" or "It doesn't really affect me now."
False Guilt and Shame
People who have suffered abuse often carry feelings of false guilt and shame. Abusers often try to convince victims that they were willing participants or that the abuse is their fault. The truth is: No matter what your abuser said and no matter how you may have responded, the abuse was not your fault.
Anger and Questions About God
Sometimes people fault God for their abuse and blame God for not preventing the harm. After abuse, people wonder if God really exists or cares. Some doubt that God could still love them because they feel so damaged. These doubts are understandable, but they are not based on truth.
Harmful Coping Patterns
Coping with the pain of abuse can lead to many harmful lifestyle choices and sinful patterns over time. Abuse damages a person's body, mind, and spirit. Its effects can show up in any area of life: physical, emotional, psychological, relational, and spiritual problems.
Biblical Insights on Healing and God's Love
God Knows About Your Abuse and Hates It
God is real. He knows about the evil done to you and He hates it. Abuse may have left you feeling deserted by God. But God did not abandon you. He was always present and pursuing; He saw it all. He knows your suffering. Though you may not understand why God allowed your abuse, you can know that He hates and grieves over your pain. He will bring justice for what was done to you.
"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"
— Psalm 56:8
"I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit; you heard my plea, 'Do not close your ear to my cry for help!' You came near when I called on you; you said, 'Do not fear!' You have taken up my cause, O Lord; you have redeemed my life. You have seen the wrong done to me, O Lord; judge my cause."
— Lamentations 3:55-59
God Can Heal Your Shame and Restore Your Identity
It is easy to accept the lies of "dirty," "broken," "worthless," and "unlovable" when you've been abused. But you matter to God. Jesus came to rescue you from sin's lies and destruction. Through Christ's blood, God offers you a new identity as His Child—clean, righteous, valuable, pure, and loved. Regardless of what you have suffered and any sinful choices you have made, God has a wonderful plan for your life that is not defined by sin.
"If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
— 2 Corinthians 5:17
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him."
— Ephesians 1:3-4
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
— Jeremiah 29:11
Isolation and Secrecy Keep You Trapped
Isolation and secrecy are traps that lock you into a cycle of unhealthy beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors. But honesty about harms to you and harms by you moves you out of hiding into the "light" where you can experience healing and true fellowship with God and others. You can be fully known and fully loved.
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
— Galatians 6:2
"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin."
— 1 John 1:7
You Are Not Responsible for the Abuse Against You
You are not responsible for abuse against you. You are responsible for the unhealthy ways that you coped with the pain of abuse. Distinguishing between your abuser's sin against you and your own sinful responses to the abuse will clarify your steps of healing. Thankfully, Christ left us an example to follow.
"For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly."
— 1 Peter 2:21-23
Forgiveness Frees You to Heal
Forgiveness frees you to work through your own pain and sin honestly. Forgiveness is not forgetting, excusing, denying, or freeing your abuser from consequences of sin. Forgiveness is entrusting justice for the abuse to Christ. It may feel impossible, but forgiveness ultimately frees you to experience God's peace.
"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed."
— 1 Peter 2:24
Next Steps Toward Healing
- Know that God loves you and there is hope and healing in Christ. The task before you may be hard to face, but God will be with you on this journey of healing, guiding you along the way. With each step, you will come to realize that God is trustworthy, that He created you for a purpose, and that He can make all things new.
- Take the courageous step to admit to yourself that you were abused, and that the abuse was not your fault. This acknowledgment is difficult but necessary for healing. Do not minimize or justify what happened to you. The truth matters.
- Start building a support system. Take a risk to trust others with the truth of your past with safe people who will support, love, and encourage you. You do not have to carry this alone. You can be fully known and fully loved by God and by others.
- Find professional help. Consider working with a Christian counselor or trauma-informed therapist who can help you process the abuse, address trauma responses, and develop healthy coping strategies. Professional support is not a sign of weakness; it is wisdom and care for yourself.
- Pray and journal through your thoughts. Begin to renew your mind with the truth about God and about you through His Word (Romans 12:1-2). Be honest with God about your doubts, fears, and anger. He understands them and loves you through them.
- Ask God to show you how past abuse is affecting your life today. Many survivors develop unhealthy patterns (addictions, relationship struggles, shame, fear) as a result of abuse. Identifying these connections helps you address root issues, not just symptoms.
- Work toward forgiveness on God's timeline, not anyone else's. Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. As you experience God's healing love in your life, you will become increasingly able to forgive your abuser—not for their sake, but for your own freedom and peace.
- Connect with other survivors. Find a support group, Bible study, or church community where you can connect with others who understand the unique pain of abuse. You are not alone, and hearing others' stories of healing can bring hope.
Your New Identity in Christ
If sexual abuse has defined your identity—if you have believed the lies that you are damaged, dirty, unworthy, or unlovable—know that there is a truth that is more powerful than those lies. You are a beloved child of God. The abuse was not your fault, and it does not define your worth or your future. Jesus came to seek and save the lost, to heal the brokenhearted, and to set the captives free. That includes you. In Christ, you are not defined by what was done to you. You are defined by His love, His sacrifice, His resurrection, and His promises for your life. The path to healing is not easy. It requires honesty, vulnerability, and a willingness to trust God even when trust feels dangerous. But countless survivors have walked this path and discovered that God's love is greater than their pain, that healing is possible, and that a beautiful life awaits on the other side of recovery. You are not alone on this journey. God is with you. His people are here to support you. And healing is possible. Take the first step today. Reach out. Tell your story. Allow yourself to be loved. And watch as God transforms your pain into purpose and your shame into healing.